4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
