Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
