btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
