I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
