He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Is Oprah even human
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
