fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Randomize
