is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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