Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
It was like getting head from an anaconda
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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