she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
