Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
