her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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