PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
