it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Who died my cat blue again?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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