just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
