ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
