Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
