The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
