1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
then he tried to convert me to islam
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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