the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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