fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
