Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
