It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Plan B is the new Plan A
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
