"it" just moved
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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