my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
