You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
