Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
