I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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