my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
