I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
