I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
