Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
