So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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