Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
