my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
