I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
