I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
