Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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