i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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