Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Ladies don't puke and tell
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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