ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
