I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
