She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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