return my video game
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
40s are totally the cure
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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