marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
