This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
