Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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