were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
