I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
