I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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