You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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