he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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