I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
