There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
did you just send me my own nude
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
