I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
